Goals for 2012

These are my intentions for 2012 (my best year yet!)

-to know and feel my goodness regardless of what "obstacles" I may encounter (I put that in quotes because we all know that obstacles are really there to teach us something...!)
-to meet my man, my life partner, and begin our amazing romance :)
-to create and record an amazing album with my wonderful producer Jonathan Baker
-to play gigs of my music that inspire my listeners
-to book 10 national commercials
-to extend and strengthen my community of love, friends, teachers and healers
-to book wonderful film and television roles
-to have fun performing onstage regularly
-to establish a base of tutoring clients in walking distance or short driving distance from my new home in Los Feliz

I welcome your insight, constructive advice or assistance with any of these, and I'd love for you to share YOUR goals here in the comments!

Successes of 2011

Every year I love to reflect on what I've done, and my trip to Guatemala helped me do that since I had lots of beautifully inspiring views and time travelling between activities to think. My accomplishments this year...

-booked and shot an amazing Prius commercial using my special acrobatic, dance and yoga skills
-signed with a new manager and a new commercial agent
-shot 7 episodes of "All My Children" as Nurse Rebecca
-completed UCB improv 101 and 201 and started 301 (I'll finish in a couple weeks - more below!)
-sang at The Gardenia and The Other Side
-Swanky sketch comedy shows
-went to Sundance
-worked at the Amercian Film Market
-had my first auditions on the Disney and Paramount lots!
-auditioned for 2 new commercial casting directors
-interned at CSI: Miami casting and Digital Dogs commercial casting
-continued my Radical Aliveness Core Energetics training program
-led workshops at Burning Man in Core, yoga and tantra
-moved to Los Feliz!
-meditated every day
-established a regular yoga practice
-sang at the JB Studio Master Class
-tutored students in chemistry, math, physics, French and literature

...Although I'm always pushing myself to do better, I have to admit that this year I accomplished a lot!

Letter from the Malibu coastline

You are the Malibu coastline. Breathtaking beauty. You are starting to comprehend, to know in your body, that you are vast and powerful. That the dreams you have for life are real and attainable if you listen to your body and speak your truth. Let your voice out! Try. Take a risk, do it wrong, do it messy, get help. But do it. When you open up to receive, the whole universe can flow through you, and you are happy, thrilled, fulfilled to have that kind of attention and connection. So keep doing it. Check in with yourself and be true to yourself. That is how you will find your path.

Growing up, your contribution was not valued. Your uniqueness and gifts were controlled, people were jealous of you and from that you learned not to be yourself. Now you're starting to learn that didn't serve you, and if fact it doesn't serve others, either. So you are learning a new way. Let yourself learn that. Learning sometimes means making mistakes and stumbling. That's ok. Keep going.

The Execution of Troy Davis, or Choose to Love Life

I am saddened that through all our efforts, we were not able to stop the execution of Troy Davis. I believe he was wrongly convicted due in part to the pervasive racism that still plagues this country. I also believe that the death penalty is wrong.

I want to say that all unequivocally so that the following will not seem flip or insensitive.

We spend huge amounts of our time, energy and money fearing death. And yet we don't know anything about death. We don't know whether what awaits us is a white light, the fires of hell, another life in another body, time with God, or nothing at all. And yet, or perhaps because of that, we fear it. We fear the unknown.

We could be spending that energy loving what is known: the present moment! For most people reading this, we have everything we need in the present moment. We just need to breathe and dive into life. As for the unknown, I'm learning to love the unknown as an adventure. If everything is known, that means I controlled it. Which means I imagined it and brought it into being with my little human brain. But if I allow the chaos of the universe to arrange into a pattern for my life, then I have all the wisdom of the whole universe getting together to create an amazing journey for me.

When my 25 year-old sister first died, I was devastated. I felt singled out; punished, even, since my father had already died tragically when I was 15. The thing that got me through it was looking to Hannah's life for wisdom. She lived with energy, enthusiasm, passion for adventure and connection. She travelled all over the world- for fun, for learning and to help strangers through humanitarian projects. She embarked on ambitious projects not knowing the end result but knowing the power of her values, convictions and personal strengths. She picked herself up after a painful breakup and embraced being single for the fun it can offer. Her model of how to live, loving life and not fearing death, inspires me still.

Instead of fearing death, let's love life.

What can we learn from Troy Davis even though his soul is no longer in his body? His wisdom can still speak to us if we allow it.

When gift-giving gets serious

So much has been written about the amazing week in the desert that is Burning Man. The costumes, the art, the music - it's a truly unique and amazing experience.

This was my 4th year on "The Playa" and it was the most magical so far. Why? Not because I did any crazy drugs or had a wild romance. In fact, this year I specifically went there to receive the wisdom of the universe. Just to ALLOW things, people, experiences and messages to come to me without me controlling everything. See, control is a sticky thing for us workaholic Virgo types... we think we can do everything so we try to do everything. But at a certain point, our own intelligence and wherewithal is not as powerful as the universe. And that's where the concept of FLOW really becomes powerful.

Instead of trying to control everything, I chose to flow. This can be uncomfortable for me - not knowing what's going to happen, whether it will be good, whether it will be fun, etc.

On Friday evening of the Burn this year, I decided I would not commit to any particular time or plan for the night - I started out the evening with a few friends, and all I knew was that I was going to let the playa dictate my experience. And the gifts just kept coming - incredible music to dance to, art that kept popping up in unexpected places, even a couple that rode up to us and offered to make S'mores using propane fire tanks they had strapped to the backs of their bicycles. By the time the sun rose, I was in Heaven. I turned to one of my friends and said that the gifts kept flowing to me, and at that exact moment a stranger rode up to me on her bicycle and handed me a lit incense stick, then rode away with a smile. My jaw just dropped at the synchronicity!

Through tears of joy and beauty, I used the incense stick to bless and cleanse the people near me, and in those few minutes I had a very clear understanding of something I can bring to this world. I have always felt that goodness is truly the highest value, and what I've come to understand is that through my radical goodness, my willingness to be unreservedly in love with the world, with every stranger, I can make a difference. Yes, the world can be full of jerks, but it can also be full of beautiful creatures who give without expectation of anything in return, and I definitely want to nurture the latter.

2011 is half over!

OK, 2011 is half over. Let's take a look at the goals we set out at the beginning of the year and see where we still need to put our energy and focus!

My 2011 goals included:
-daily meditation
-yoga practice 4-5 times per week
-continue sketch comedy
-get my music going by collaborating with composers
-get my screenplay ready for meetings
-Core Energetics training program
-excellent commercial and theatrical headshots
-get an awesome manager
-get an excellent commercial agent
-prepare scenes and do casting workshops
-send postcards to promote myself
-make more money
-declutter my physical space
-hire a wardrobe stylist
-follow my impulses and intuition
-slow down
-make plans with friends
-visit the Korean Spa
-be less stressed

I've done or begun most of these - the main thing sticking out is my music, which I've basically put on hold because of all the other things going on. I would like to maintain my voice better. So this month I will warm up my voice at least 2 times a week.

Is there something on your list you haven't done, and the reason is that you don't know how to start? My awesome mentor/friend/coach/extraordinary woman Kristine Oller says "if you're stuck, it's time to have a conversation." Find someone who can help you. This may be a meandering journey. If you're not even sure who to talk to, just call a good friend and see who they think you should talk to. You may have to talk to 5 or 10 people before you get the answer to your quandary. That can be a good thing, because all the while you're clarifying your goal and putting the energy out into the universe of what you want! Let me know how it goes!

42-day Book a Job Challenge wrap-up

I embarked on the 42-day Book a Job Challenge at the suggestion of the lovely and indispensable Dallas Travers. Over the course of 6 weeks, I booked a ton of paying tv jobs and learned a lot... here's a little overview. I'd love to hear your thoughts!

1. I got SUPER CLEAR about what I want most (to work in television) - you can only have ONE number one priority. This allows me to:

2. Make quick, effective decisions I can feel great about. Does this serve my number one goal? Does it serve one of my other top goals? If not, gotta say no.

3. I don't need everyone to support me. Dallas always talks about your NYPs - Not Your People. These people just don't see why you're special. THAT'S OK. If you know it, it's true, and it doesn't matter what they think. And that brings me to...

4. Believing in myself. Knowing in my core that I am exactly where I need to be and trusting the universe to hold me. Doing my part and then releasing the need (the illusion really) of control.

5. Accountability - I publicly declared my BIG GOAL and the daily actions I was taking to get there. Knowing others would see my daily goals, making sure the goals really did relate to my big goal, and making sure I did them because I knew I was accountable. So helpful!

6. Connecting with others. This was great - I magnetized those who believed in me, and those who were seeking the same outcome for themselves. Who knows who "unliked" my page during those 6 weeks - and who cares? I made new friends and contacts and I contributed to the industry as a whole, not just through the paid jobs I booked but through my advocating of action, positivity and focus.

YES!

Now that the 42 days are over, am I going to go back to my old ways? Not a chance. I've gotten so clear, so focused. It feels great.

Learn to say no

At the beginning of every workshop, my inspirational meditation teacher Charu says "saying yes to yourself might mean saying no to your partner or no to the exercise."

I remember the first time I heard this, I just could not imagine sitting across from someone and saying no to them. That would be so selfish, so rude, so... bitchy! But over time, exercises did come up that didn't feel right, or partners that didn't feel right, and I finally got past that self-judgment and have been able to eke out the word "no." In those moments, I find that I am my best advocate and that through standing up for myself I become stronger and clearer.

Saying no is not really part of our culture. We get a lot of messages that the answer is not to say no, but to manage our time better. And yet experts at the top of their fields will all tell you that saying no is the key to moving forward. Call it focus, call it making choices or call it tough love... but saying no is a must.

What thing or person or commitment is no longer serving you that you need to say no to? I'm a huge overcommitter, and there has been a pride in that "accomplishing" that I have not wanted to let go of... and yet I know in saying no is the key to my getting the things I really want and need.