COMPASSION: The missing ingredient to solving the world's problems.

Last night I was privileged to attend a screening and Q&A with this year's Oscar-nominated documentaries. First of all, what an incredible group of films this year! It's hard to say which films deserve the Academy Award because they're all inspirational, and they all raise consciousness of important issues.

In the short doc category, I found myself particularly touched by the story of women cancer patients who visit a salon, "Mondays at Racine." I related to the notion that no matter how good of a person you are, you may still get sick or have terrible life events befall you. This certainly was the case when my sister Hannah was killed by a drunk driver at age 25.

In the feature category, I was struck by the nominees - 2 films about the Israel-Palestine situation, a film about the activism that helped change AIDS from a death sentence to a long-term illness, a film about sexual assault in the American military, and a film about a singer who finds his niche on the other side of the world.

Since all these features are amazing and expertly crafted, I tried to ask myself, which one would raise consciousness in a way that could really change things the most in our broken world? I don't yet have an answer to that, but in the discussion with the filmmakers following the screening, one of the directors spoke these simple words: NONVIOLENCE WORKS. This resonated so strongly for me I cried. (Not for the first time during the night!)

I truly believe that as humans we get into cycles. One group is oppressed by another, they turn around and oppress others. A child is abused and grows up to be angry or abusive. Cycle, cycle, cycle. The only way to exit this vortex and begin a new, more positive path is compassion. Slowing down, feeling our feelings, allowing ourselves the space and time and patience to cry and process. Looking at the other not as the source of our problems but as another equally flawed individual. At its heart, compassion is about self-responsibility. I am not going to blame you for my problems and use that as an excuse to hurt you. I am going to accept that shit happens and move forward as an adult. I might have to give something up in order to do that. I might have to mourn the loss of a fantasy world in which every debt is paid equally. But I can hear you, I can love you, I can accept you. And in that place, I can love myself.

It's February. Do you know where your goals are?

So we're a month into 2013. Personally I am loving this year. Last year I honed my intentions and now I'm implementing. And since January is now a memory, I'm looking at the goals I set for myself as 2012 drew to a close.

So far: doing well at vocalizing daily and moving forward with my music.

Said I would read one book a month. Almost done with a novel I'm reading and about halfway through a non-fiction book. Here's an area of improvement for me. Instead of just saying "read more" or "read one book a month" I'm also tracking the movies and shows I watch. I love being in the entertainment industry, but the lines between work and fun can get blurry so I don't want to get to the end of the year and realize I didn't read much (or write, for that matter) and yet somehow found the time to veg out with a zillion hours of watching. This week I've watched 30 minutes and I won't add to that til I finish this novel! (And it's a great one - I'll tell you about it when I'm done!)

Said I was going to redo my headshots. Did all the research into photographers which was a great experience, then realized through that process and talking to some other great mentors of mine that I still want to hone my image so I really know what I want from the photo shoot, and that changing headshots can be a minus because CDs "lose you" therefore I have put the shoot on hold until that process is complete, and in the meantime I will continue communicating with the CDs who bring me in regularly so that when I do change my photos they won't lose track of me.

Also said I would keep in touch with my target list. I sent postcards to most of them this month, so that was good. I also know I want to create a one-sheet that says more about me, and this has been a roadblock for me in the past. Part of it is my insecurity. Part of it is that I'm not a very good graphic designer. Part of it is my computer. I am going to buy a new computer by the end of February, and I am going to ask for testimonials, and I am going to ask for help (ie, hire someone) if by February 20th I haven't done it!

I have known for a while that I have been wanting to work on my acting technique so I audited a class that came highly recommended and signed up. I start February 12th.

I also said I was going to start looking for a manager. I haven't done anything about this. Partly due to overcommitment, but mostly because I still have awkwardness around it. I will ask for at least one referral this month.

Yeah, it's going to be another busy month in Harmonyland!

Are you moving forward on the lofty 2013 goals you set a month ago? Please share what you've accomplished as well as your thoughts on why things haven't moved forward if that's the case. As always I love it when this becomes a conversation!

2012 - a year of transition

This year, I moved. Then I moved again. Then I moved AGAIN!

I won't bore you with the nitty-gritty details but suffice to say that each time I moved, I got closer to what I really wanted. It was probably more expensive than just moving to the perfect place all in one shot, and definitely more work, but it also taught me a powerful lesson about "perfection" and its dangerous friend, perfectionism.

Often when I want to do something perfectly the first time, what ends up happening is I procrastinate, think, plan, obsess, question... and years later, nothing has changed. No forward movement.

Nowadays I'm seeing that the best thing for me to do is take a step. Take an action. Let it be messy. Let it be imperfect. Learn from it. Share it. Once it's out there, I can modify it, improve it, polish it. But until it exists in reality, it's just an idea in my head. And that is not the way to make creative projects move forward.

The moving situation exactly paralleled what was going on in my creative life. As I broke out of each successive safe but uninspired living situation, I also started to express myself, to take risks in my writing and my music. And now I'm halfway through a major personal project! (I'll share more specifics soon, I promise.)

So my advice? Begin. Let it be a mess. Let it be wrong and not as good as you imagined and not as shiny as it appeared in your head. Then polish it, sit with it, turn it around in your hand. Eventually it will become what you imagined and more. And you'll feel amazing.

FOMO - Fear of Missing Out

Last year while I was doing a retreat in Hawaii, one of my fellow participants used the term FOMO - fear of missing out. This really resonated with me. So many times I am trying to do it all, signing up for 27 different activities, saying yes to everything... and then at the end of the year, wondering what I truly accomplished for all my busyness. Finally I have realized that the most important thing is for me to bring my creative ideas and projects to fruition. And that means saying NO to a lot of other things.

So I started unsubscribing from email lists. The hardest one to let go of was actually the entertainment news source "The Wrap." I love being in the know about what is going on in the entertainment industry but I finally realized that getting multiple emails a day about last night's tv ratings, or which star is leaving WME for CAA, or who just got cast in the latest summer blockbuster... was not really serving me. I have always been schooled in the notion that actors should not be clueless about what is going on in the industry, and I agree with that, but as a creative person, I can't be bombarded with constant information about what other people are doing. I need to center myself and focus. What am I bringing into the world?

Recently I read that John Mayer deleted his Twitter account because he realized he was starting to only think of individual lines for songs instead of entire verses. That's a great personal insight. All the meditation and Radical Aliveness/Core Energetics practices I do are to ground myself and deepen my attention. Why throw that away every time I check my email?


It's the Fear of Missing Out that creeps in: I will miss something important! I will look stupid (or clueless, or self-centered, etc.) in a conversation! There will be a screening or event I don't get to attend!



But meanwhile, here I am, writing. I've written 30 songs, some of which will end up on my upcoming album. I've looked at all my feature film scripts and chosen one that I'll be moving forward on later in the year. I've been singing, practicing piano and cello, getting ready for my gigs

So I might be missing out on something, but before I was missing out on myself.

Papa

On June 2, 1994, I flew home from the last day of sophomore year at Exeter. At the airport, my mom told me the devastating news: Papa had died that day.

I knew he was sick. At spring break, I'd learned he had AIDS. But I thought he had years to live. My family didn't want to burden me with his rapid decline in the midst of my high-pressure final exams at prep school, so they didn't tell me how bad things had gotten.

At the time, I resented not having been kept abreast of all the details. Later I realized it was the best way they knew how to love me and protect me. There's no right way to die, and there's no right way to grieve, and there's no right way to deal with the whole process. It's going to hurt, and even the best intentions can't prevent that pain.

Papa's death was the slap in my face that showed me once and for all that we each walk our own path in life. My sister Hannah, two years younger than I, was still living at home when all this happened. Her experience of it was totally different, much more immediate. I, on the other hand, didn't even tell my schoolmates what happened until the end of the following year when we were assigned a personal essay to be read aloud to the whole school.

Sometimes we're so angry at life, but since that's so abstract, we resent those who seem to be taking things away from us. I've heard it so many times from people in grief situations - "I just wish they had told me", "If only things had been different", etc. These are all part of the grief process, but when you boil it down, you've got a loss. And that loss has to be integrated into the rest of life. There's no changing it, no going back in time. That's probably the most tragic part of life - that it only goes forward. And yet that forward-moving is the one constant of life, the one thing we can always count on to heal us, surprise us, delight us.

I am learning to breathe in the present moment. To revel in the now. And yet, I will always miss you, Papa.

Being generous with the Universe

I had an interesting chat with a friend the other day. She was saying, we all want the Universe to be generous with us. But what are we giving to the Universe?

This really got me thinking. I know I have issues receiving, which is why sometimes I work so hard and feel like I'm "getting nowhere." So I am definitely committing to opening up and receiving. (I even joined this things called The Receiving Project and so far I'm loving it. You can join for free by clicking on the link.)

But then today after a great session with my amazing therapist, I felt so light and full of love for the world, that I posted on Facebook offering to do some favors for others. And it is already amazing! I am going to help a friend with her headshots, wrote a review for my friend's business, had a long chat with a good friend who has moved away from LA, spoke with another friend of a friend who is going through a tough time, connected some people with resources that will help them, and funded two projects on Kickstarter and Indiegogo. Phew! It feels great to get away from the selfishness that sometimes creeps into the life of a self-employed self-starter.

Now off to write more lyrics for my album!

Slowing down...

I'm accustomed to doing 27 different things at once. It's a habit I've had for as long as I can remember. Being so busy shields me from having to feel the feelings that inevitably come up about "not having made it yet" or "what have I seen you in?"

But lately I've been slowing down and focusing. Earlier this week I had reservations to hear a panel of speakers at the Screen Actors Guild. Now, I am all for hearing experts speak, and learning from those who have gone ahead of me in my chosen career. But as I contemplated the best use of my time that evening, I realized, that would be "gathering information." And I've already gathered information. A LOT of information. What's important for me right now is to tap into my own wisdom, my own flow. This is the most important aspect of the creative process.

So I stayed home. I read. I spent time with a friend. I breathed the night air on my balcony. And the next day, I felt myself so clearly. Very emotionally available. Ready to write, create, connect.

Slowing down is the new speeding up. :)